Miserable

I still don't get it. I'm fucking miserable. I'm trying so hard to keep a smile on my face & be strong for Ivy... but there's no point if it isn't working. Nothing's changed. I still lost my best friend. Ivy still lost her Daddy, & I'm still miserable beyond belief. My trying to be happy doesn't do anything as far as I can see, other than give everybody that reassurance of "Oh thank GOD - she's not whining anymore". Yeah, I feel pretty damn good about my life right now.

I just want Shaun to pull his head out of his ass already. I'm tired of the silence between us... at this point, I'd prefer screaming to this. Whatever THIS is. There's nothing anymore. No hatred, no anger, no pain. Just lonely, miserable silence. I don't know what changed, but I want us back. I want my family back.... I thought I made him happy the way he made me. I guess, once again, I was wrong.