Finding Myself Again

I think it's time for me to indulge myself in a good book, & I know exactly what I have in mind. A few weeks ago my good friend & mentor bought me a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray, & I regret to admit that I only got to chapter three (being pregnant I get restless very quickly & it's hard to keep my focus on anything for long), but I found it extremely fascinating & I wish I had continued reading it. Now I'm kind of glad I didn't, because my fiance left this morning to work out of state & I'll be lucky to see him on the weekends at this rate. With both my roommates working & the other moving out this weekend, I'll be home alone 90% of the time & I'm going to need to find ways to occupy myself so I don't get the baby blues. Hence, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

I figure that if I read one chapter a day whenever I'm done tidying or cooking or working on my photography, it'll be enough to tide me over for that extra little bit of time that I usually spend moping in bed. It'll give me something to look forward to every day (other than talking to my man) & it'll open up my mind where it's been vacant for quite some time & clear away the cobwebs & make room for a little imagination.

I know I probably sound completely off my head, but the truth is I feel it. With every part of me I feel somewhat crazy & it's overtaking everything I was & everything I am. Pretty soon, all that will be left is crazy if I don't start doing something with myself. I'm tired of spending every day miserable, struggling to get out of bed & lacking any motivation to walk up the stairs, let alone walk around the neighborhood. I desperately need to get some exercise before I get any closer to little Miss Ivy's due date & I definitely need to improve my mood if I'm going to be able to shower her with love & affection 24/7.

I'm already overwhelmed, but I'm overwhelmed by nothingness... I just want it to end. I want things to start happening again, but I've completely forgotten how to make them happen. I miss feeling alive & adventurous & getting lost in the city just for the Hell of it. I haven't done anything like that in so long. It's a shame, because since I found out I was pregnant with Ivy, I've let who I was slip away. Not the old me, because she's long gone & I couldn't be more grateful for that... but no, the best parts of me. The part that loved finding new places & photographing everything & meeting new people & trying new things. I want that part of me back, because that was what I loved most about myself & I want my daughter to love it too. I just need some help finding it again. What I need is friends who are willing to get lost with me in order to find myself. Anyone interested?