Ivy Ellen

It's all so overwhelming... losing my best friend & now losing my Nanny. I just want things to go right for once, but it feels as if everything is going downhill & I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm trying to be strong for Ivy... I really am. I know I'll be stronger when all of this is over, but how can I embrace the pain when it hurts so damn bad? I can't run away like Ivy's father did... I have to stay & tough it out. If he won't, I have no other choice. I just wish she meant more to him. I wish we didn't have to lose the people we love to learn. I wish that I could give her a better life than this. One with a Father that loves her more than life itself... but this isn't an alternate universe & no other man could ever compare to what her Father was to me. I could never replace him, nor would I ever attempt to or let the thought cross my mind. Shaun is, & always will be Ivy's Daddy. Just because I can't force him to take responsibility doesn't change what we created together.

I love our baby girl. More than I could ever love anybody or anything. I'd give the world just to see her smile. Now, more than ever I am determined to fight for her. I'm going to make my Nanny proud. I'm going to make my Ivy Rose proud, & someday maybe I will make myself proud as well. Ivy will have a good life, just like her Great Great Grandmother, Ivy Ellen did. She's going to live life to the fullest, & I will strive every day to set good examples of how life should be lived. I'm going to encourage her & teach her & help her make her dreams a reality. If that's all I can give her, then maybe... hopefully, it'll be enough.