We're Young

It hurts too much, I'm looking for a crutch. Just any boy just for a touch... I let my angst out, I let myself go... & when I let myself down, I swag it out. Baby boy, I'd like to dance. I'm just looking for a brief romance. What's wrong with that? I'm young, forgive me. I'll live fast, die a legend. Oh... forgive us for what we have done. We're young, we're young, we're young. Forgive us, we're young. We're young...

True art exists only through suffering. Pain is what we relate to... it's what shapes us, grows us, & teaches us. Without pain, we would never know happiness or love. Before we can become flowers, we must first go through a whole lot of dirt. Before we can spread our wings & fly, we must bear the burden of being a slimy caterpillar. We will always feel pain throughout our lives, but it's up to us whether or not we create something beautiful from it.

A Poem from My Daddy

Little Ivy looked up at the face

of the one who brought her to earth
the one whose love made her
who'd been there from her birth

Little Ivy looked up at the eyes
of the one who always cared for her
who always would be there
who would all their love confer

Little Ivy knew that who she saw
protected her tho' she was small
and that her wonderful mother
would always be there through it all

Hear Me Now

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster."

                               As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
                           I wear my crown of thorns and pull the knife out my chest.

I keep searching for something that I never seem to find.
But maybe I won’t, because I left it all behind.
Now I’m stuck with this, and that’ll never change
Always a part of me, until the very last day.

Where to go from here? What road to travel on?
I spent my whole life choosing, and I always chose wrong.
Will I try to have the will to be alive?
Will I try because I’ve never seen the light?
Blow it to the ground and it’s now you see,
You spent your whole life taking the best of me

Where’d you go? Where’s your home?
How’d you end up all alone?
Can you hear me now?
There’s no light, there’s no sound.
Hard to breathe, when you’re underground.
Can you hear me now? Hear me now

How long can I keep pretending to be?
That all the stars in the sky could mean something to me.
Heaven will open up if I live on my knees.
A man of many words, but a man of few deeds.
Walking these streets, so absent of hope.

A pillow of concrete, a man with no home.
Lend him a hand, then we’re walking the way.
Leave the virtue of pity, but we live with the shame.
So scared to dream in a world with no sunlight.
When you wake up, you know it’s darker than last night.
Quickly we forget, sacrifice gone by.
Born to walk away, been walking my whole life.

Where’d you go? Where’s your home?
How’d you end up all alone?
Can you hear me now?
There’s no light, there’s no sound.
Hard to breathe, when you’re underground.
Can you hear me now? Hear me now

Look into my eyes and I see
What do I see? Nothing at all
Take another look around me
What do I see? Nothing at all

Where’d you go? Where’s your home?
How’d you end up all alone?
Can you hear me now?
There’s no light, there’s no sound.
Hard to breathe, when you’re underground.
Can you hear me now? Hear me now

Can you hear me? Hear me now

A Poem for Ivy rose

I can't believe how much faith I had in somebody who was so undeserving of it. Love really is blind, but when the realization hits that not only did they never really love you from the beginning, but that there's somebody else out there so much more deserving of your love... it really opens your eyes to a confidence & sense of self worth that you never would have even believed you had inside you before you heart was broken.

My sweet sweet baby Ivy Rose
I can't wait to see your face
You'll never know how hard it is
To just sit around and wait

You'll never know how much you're worth
Or how hard I'll fight to show you
You'll never know how scared I was
That I may never get to know you

You'll never know what I would do
Or how far I would go
You'll never know what it would take
To make sure you never know

I promise that I'll give my all
And fight hard every day
Ivy Rose, I'm not going anywhere
Just for you, I chose to stay

I can honestly say, my love for my baby girl opened my eyes to all the bullshit that her Father dragged me into & all the lies I tried so hard to overlook. Now that I have my family again & I have his family supporting me, I'm stronger than ever before. I'm moving on with my life, & I'm saying goodbye to the misery & the disappointment that has been consuming me for the past year. I'm done wasting my time with somebody who obviously was never worth it. I will give him this though... he gave me the most beautiful, incredible gift that anybody could have ever given me. She may have been created out of drunken stupidity & teenage hormones, but we created her together nonetheless & because of that one night I have a piece of happiness that will last a lifetime. My baby girl made all the pain worth it, & she always will.

Looking Glass

To see the world through your eyes
To get a better understanding
of the heartbreak & the longing
and your life that's so demanding

The soul that's feeling incomplete
The girl that tore you apart
The memories that hurt the most
And the lonely broken heart

To be free to love you
Forever wishing you loved me
But we're both scared & feeling trapped - 
By past mistakes, why can't you see?

I'm falling deeper & I'm frightened
I'm calling but you're far away
You can't hear my heart beating for you
Without you I'll die this way

For Shaun

My life is filled with shadows

I fear that I'm alone

I'll follow where the wind blows

Though I do not wish to roam

My memories are jumbled still

By all the lies I've told

Try to untangle if you will

Cause this charade has gotten old

The love I fought so hard to keep

Has left me craving pain

And through these clothes my blood does seep

As I lay dying in the rain

Hollow Man

This is the only song that makes me feel even close to understanding him... to feeling like his actions are somewhat justified, even though I know damn well that's not possible. He's hollow, & not even our baby girl could fill the emptiness.

I could walk all night 
And never find what's right 
Searching for some peace 
To fill the void in me 
Yeah, yeah 

So was it hard for you to go? 
Did I fail to let you know 
That you are the one I needed most? 
Was is it hard for you to leave 
Without a care for me? 
It takes time to embrace the cold 
Until then I'm just a Hollow Man 

Steel frame in my mind 
Has faded black and white 
All that's left to say 
Fifteen years too late 

So was it hard for you to go? 
Did I fail to let you know 
That you are the one I needed most? 
Was is it hard for you to leave 
Without a care for me? 
It takes time to embrace the cold 
Until then I'm just a Hollow Man 

What have I become? 
The shadow of the sun? 

So was it hard for you to go? 
Did I fail to let you know 
That you were the one I needed most? 
Was is it hard for you to leave 
Without a care for me? 
It takes some time to embrace the cold 
Until then I'm just a Hollow Man

My Lucky Break

From the first time I saw you smile
I couldn't hold myself back
I prayed you'd stay a while
And that you'd always make me laugh

I was broken hearted
Cause life just wasn't fair
Then I opened my eyes
And you were standing right there

You make me feel wild & wonderful
A different kind of beautiful
You've given me the chance to shine
Since the day you became mine
Cause babe, I'm not afraid to be myself
When I know that you want no one else

You're the one that I've been waiting for
I'm glad I left it up to fate
I've never known a love like this
Baby you were my lucky break

For James

Five Months

Baby boy, you know I can't go on without you
I've fought too hard to keep you by my side
Baby boy, you know I want to make you happy
And my love won't stop until the day I die

One week in & I'm already in love
Seems you were sent, a dark angel from up above
Time flies past when you're in my arms
And I knew I'd do anything to keep you from harm

One month & I can't find sense or reason
You broke them down like the wall around my heart
With a ring around my finger, life has meaning
I've never been so sure, & it's only just the start

Almost five months now & I can't find the silver lining
Everything we had, we lost it along the way
And even though we're broken, I'm still fighting
I won't stop until we can love another day

Baby boy, you know I can't go on without you
I've fought so long to keep you by my side
Baby boy, you know I want to make you happy
And my love won't stop until the day I die