Mummy Talk

It's crazy to think how much I've changed over the past year. I've matured in so many ways, but in others I'm still a kid at heart. There are stupid things that I miss but have learned to leave in the past for the sake of our future, & there are things that I've learned to let go of, even if it hurt to do so. I've given up friends, I've lost my family many times, I've given up the opportunity of being with somebody else that could have made me happy, simply because I know that the one person that could hurt me more than anyone else ever could was the only one that I could ever promise my heart to. Shaun is worth every risk I've ever taken, & he was by far the best decision I ever could have made. Nothing could ever make me regret all the things & the people I've given up to be with him, because in the end they could never make me as happy as he's made me, & they could never ever love me as much as he does.



It's funny though... so many things haven't changed. I'm still sexually attracted to other women. I always have been, & I always will be. That's one thing that will never change about me, because it's a big part of what makes me, me. I still have standards though, & I would never choose a woman over Shaun... although I know he wouldn't mind if I was sexually involved with one. There's still our baby girl to consider too, but I want her to grow up knowing that it's okay to be attracted to the same gender, & that it doesn't by any means makeyou a bad person. It simply means that you're allowing yourself to sample a bigger slice of life than most people. If my Princess wants to be with a girl, it won't change the way her Daddy & I feel about her. We'll support her & try to guide her in the best way we know how. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do anyway?

My style has changed somewhat too. I think it's matured a lot, but I'm still in love with piercings & tattoo's. Punk Pin Up has become my vice & regardless of what anyone else says, being a Mum isn't going to affect my style or my personality as drastically as it has changed so many of my friends & family. Yes, I'll have higher standards & I'll be a lot more careful about what I do & who I do it with, but I'm not going to change who I am. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that we are her friends as well as her parents, & changing who we are would take that opportunity away from us. We don't have to change ourselves, just what we do that could be damaging to our daughter & her future, as well as our own.

Being a parent is going to be a huge life changer, for the both of us... but I can honestly say I am SO excited to be a Mum. I've never felt like I've ever had much of a say in my own life before, & becasue of that everything has spun out of control so much more. Now we finally have the chance to do something right, & to do it for somebody much more important than ourselves. If that isn't something to look forward to, I don't know what is.