It's hard sometimes... I love being a Mum, & I love my daughter with every fiber of my being, but losing her Father in an attempt to protect her is breaking my heart. He's my best friend. I don't want to lose everything we had all over again, but I have to do what I believe is right for Ivy. What kind of Mother would I be if I didn't? I just want her to be safe & happy & healthy... But I also want her to have her Daddy in her life, & the way things are going between us, the chances of that seem slimmer & slimmer. Yes, he broke my heart... but I broke his. It wasn't my intention, but I got scared & ran away just like he has so many times before. I'm an idiot, but then again... If I hadn't left... If Grandma hadn't asked me to leave... Things could have fallen apart on their own anyway. Thats what kills me. We were falling apart, & I wasn't ready for our relationship to end... So I had to go.
I wish he was here to hold his daughter. To see how much more she's grown to look like him in the past few days. To hear her giggle in her sleep & to rock her when she cries. I want that for both of them. But I can't win. I can't make anybody happy without something being wrong, & I'm struggling. I'm losing myself, & the only thing in the world keeping me together is Ivy. She's quite literally my everything. There's nothing I wouldn't do for that girl... Even if it means losing the one I love
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