A New Chapter

I'm not going to lie... These past few weeks have been HELL. Watching my family fall apart, spending Thanksgiving weekend doped up & in a neck brace, Shaun walking back into my life & totally surprising me, my step brother spending almost a week in the hospital, & now last night my sister was in the ER. I can't keep up with all of this chaos!

I know ultimately I'll be stronger for it. I just wish that I didn't have to see the people I love hurt so much. I feel so helpless here, & although my priority should be myself & Ivy, it's hard to focus when everyone else around me is falling to pieces. That's my FAMILY. I should be able to be there to support them & help them through this. I can't stand sitting on the sidelines while I wait for my daughter to be born, just so I know where I stand & what I'm capable of doing. It's probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I just started getting close to my family again... I don't want to lose that bond. I've been struggling to gain it back for years, & I am not willing to give it up. Regardless of how difficult thing get. Regardless of how much I have to juggle. That is my family & they are a priority in my book.

I just hope things start to look up sooner rather than later. It's not long until Christmas & the kids need something to look forward to. I'm doing everything I can to find work so I can help them have a memorable Holiday instead of a disappointment, because this is the year our family fell apart... But we aren't falling apart. We're simply branching out in a different direction. We're beginning a new chapter of our lives & as painful as it is, maybe... Just maybe, it'll end up being the best thing that ever happened to us. It's almost impossible to imagine that, but it's all I have to hold on to. That & maybe Ivy will be what makes everybody that much stronger. She's been my saving grace. Maybe she can do the same for the people I love. I guess only time will tell, but I'm praying that this new life is going to be a good life. I can't afford anymore disappointment.