The Reason

Sometimes it's hard to believe that life could ever really get much worse... But once in a while, there are those days that every little thing goes your way & you can't help but wonder if things could possibly get much better. Today, (well I suppose it was yesterday now) was one of those good days. There wasn't really anything absolutely incredible about it, but it was one of those days that you just take on without stress, without worry, & without any regard for tomorrow. All you're thinking is here & now, you & me, & taking the day minute by minute, hour by hour, until you completely forget about yesterday & everything that has been nagging at your mind the past little while. You just let go...

Going to the humane society & seeing all the animals was probably one of the highlights of my day in all honesty. It's been a while since I've really been able to appreciate the little things, & all those kittens just melted my heart. If I could have taken them all home, I would have. Seeing all those animals who's lives are in the hands of others really made me realize the amount of control I have over the quality of my own life. That's something I couldn't be more grateful for... And now, I know where I'll be going to invest in a little friend for my baby girl once she's a little older!

I think the other highlight of my day was seeing Shaun get so pumped over entering to win the Anberlin concert tickets, & then us actually winning them! I wasn't expecting that in the slightest, but it just goes to show that it doesn't always hurt to hope. Sometimes our hopes can become a reality. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, they can lift our spirits & change our entire outlook on life in a single moment. Just winning those tickets put a smile on his face the rest of the night & gave him the much needed motivation to finish filling out all of the job applications we picked up the day before yesterday - thank GOD! Now it FINALLY is starting to feel like we're making progress. Yeah, it's still hard to open up & trust him again after everything he did... But he is trying. He's really handled things with his Dad well so far, & watching him make the decision to do the right thing & give Nacho's phone back may only have been a small step, but it was a step in the right direction & that's what really counts.

His determination has been encouraging. I just hope that he continues to keep it up, for Grandma's sake. Nobody loves Shaun more than her, & nobody wants to see him succeed as badly. She would give anything for him to be happy & to go somewhere in life, & to see him not only coming to terms with the truth about a lot of things he had denied in the past, but to see him working hard to find work & show consistency for Jax & Ivy's sake is a huge comfort to her. I know how much it's hurt her to see him falling further & further away from everyone & everything he's ever truly loved, but to see him pick himself up & try without even the slightest push from any of us... That's something to be truly grateful for. I just hope he can keep it up, because life has never favored him more than it does right now. He has the chance to be there for his son, to make things right with his Mum & his Grandma, & to have a family again & a home where he'll always be loved for him. Not for the person he's been hiding behind. THAT is more than I think even he could ever ask for.

I just pray that he can be strong enough to continue to make good decisions & fight for the people that really do matter... Because if he blows it again, he's got so much further to fall, & so much more to lose. Only thing is... This time, there won't be any way to gain any of it back. If that isn't reason enough to change, I don't know what is.