Different Paths

Being a Mum, it never hurts to be prepared - & boy am I ever! I've got plenty of diapers, wipes, baby lotion, enough blankets to keep all of Russia warm this winter, PLENTY of onesies, & God only knows how many play mats, books, toys & other luxuries our baby girl will be showered in once she arrives. I don't even own a quarter of the amount of things that she does! And I dread to think how much more we'll be drowning in once Christmas hits! But how much is too much? I realize that this is a brand new baby, & as my first, (& only!) she has every right to be spoiled rotten, but when does spoiling your baby become overly excessive? I want only the best for her, & granted, I have gotten rid of over half of the clothes I've acquired for her over the past few months.... But I honestly believe that a child can never have too many books or toys. I loved learning at a very young age, & being spoiled by my parents helped me to excel in the educational department. I was the top of my class, in EVERY class, in every school I ever attended. I intend to shower Ivy with just as much attention so that she can (hopefully) benefit from it in a lot of the same ways I did.

At the moment, I'm still waiting on her arrival. It's been an agonizing few weeks, & I know it isn't about to get any less painful quite yet but at least I do know that all the pain will be worth it. I'll be rewarded with a beautiful baby girl, & I'll finally have a family of my own. I couldn't ask for more than that. Hell, even though life has taken a lot of turns for the worse lately, at least I know a lot of good things are coming together. I'll have my ITIN soon & I'll be able to get my drivers license, my OWN bank account, I'll finally be on my Dad's insurance & I can get my toe taken care of so I can wear normal shoes again! Not to mention, I'll be starting the process of getting my Green card so I can not only live here legally, but I can work & qualify for the same benefits as everyone else! I can FINALLY start living my life & relying on myself financially, which is more than I could have ever dreamed of when I left home three years ago.

Now I'm almost nineteen, & I've grown so much... I've learned more than I ever would have if I would have stayed & married Mark when I was sixteen, or if I would have just gone back to England to live with my Grandparents. Granted, I wouldn't be a bad person, & I probably would have led a good life either way, but I wouldn't be who I am today & I wouldn't have this incredible family supporting me or a beautiful daughter to look forward to meeting. It wouldn't be the same, & I wouldn't trade this for anything.