Where Dreams Become Nightmares

I'm convinced my past is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I've tried running from it. I've tried facing it. It doesn't make a difference.... the minute my life has any potential, somebody walks back in determined to break me down & see that happiness is not an option. I might be pushing everyone away, but I have my reasons. I have to move forward with my life, & I can't risk anyone holding me back from doing what I need to do. The only people I need, or want in my life is Shaun, my brothers, & our Momma's. The people I know will push me to achieve my goals.

With Cameron pushing to be a part of my life again, I'm a mess. I'm not stable enough to deal with this on my own. I want Shaun. I know that, & I don't want Cameron to be a part of my life in any shape or form... but I'm not strong enough to push him away. I'm afraid I'll make another stupid decision & lose Shaun again, so I have to put him away. I have to lock every memory I have, & every feeling I ever had for him away in the back of my mind & forget. I have to do it... & although I've never taken pleasure in putting someone behind bars, I want nothing more than to see him suffer for every single time he tried to hurt my relationship with Shaun. Every night I cried myself to sleep... I want him to experience every heartbreak I went through. I won't rest until he's as miserable as he made me.

I've fought too hard to keep Shaun in my life. It would kill me to lose him again. He's my best friend... & I don't care if I have to shut everyone out of my life for him. I would. I put Cameron behind bars for Shaun. So we could make things right again. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I won't let anyone come between us again.

I have had so many opportunities to start over with somebody new. I could be dating Cass right now. Or Taylor. Funny thing is, nobody even begins to compare to Shaun. I know he's a pick up artist, & that he's skilled when it comes to making me believe everything he says & does. Maybe one day I'll find out it was all a lie... but I'm hoping that I won't. I trust him. I trust that he loves me, & I trust that I'm making the right decision. I know that I'll never regret choosing him, or loving him or losing everyone else on his behalf. It doesn't matter to me as long as he's a part of my life... & I know that he will always be the best thing that ever has & ever will happen to me.