Hakuna Matata

I wish I could get him off of my mind long enough to focus on getting my life in order. I've rescheduled tutoring sessions, counseling sessions, & put off all of my priorities at home just to spend a little more time with him... & it's starting to catch up with me. I have piles & piles of laundry, my bedroom looks like it was hit by a tornado, & I'm not sure where anything other than my teddy bear & my laptop is. I've been wearing the same clothes for days on end, & I haven't had the time or motivation to shower or organize my closet. I'm starting to feel incredibly overwhelmed & with all the emotions & stress on top of everything, I'm going off the deep end.  

On top of all of that... my ex is out of jail. I thought he was gone for good, or at least long enough for me to disappear. Unfortunately, he's back & determined to have me in his life, even if it means fucking up every single relationship I have, with my family, my friends, & Shaun... if he tries to ruin things between us in any way, I'll become his worst fucking nightmare. I don't care about the consequences. I'm fighting too hard to lose him again. 

I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the bullshit. I'm tired of the pain & I'm tired of losing the people I care about the most. It's time to pull my life together. I can't afford to absorb any negative energy. Until I am emotionally & mentally stable enough that I actually trust myself to be happy without relying on everyone else, I don't want anyone other than my family in my life. Momma Bear, Scottie, Dano, Dumbass, Shorty & Shaun. That's all I need, & all I could possibly want.

I'm so incredibly lucky to have such a great support system. I don't think I would have made it this far & become this strong without them having my back. I hope that one day I can do the same for them. Until then, I'm just grateful that I'm not alone in all of this anymore. I love my family with all my heart, & I look forward to every new adventure that will come our way.