Complications

I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I knew that having a baby complicates things, but I never imagined that prepping myself to be a good Mother would be this unbearable. I've been trying so hard to live up to everyone's standards. Especially my own... & I'm just disappointing myself. I've been taking up some healthier habits, I've quit smoking, I won't touch alcohol with a ten foot pole. I've almost completely cut junk food out of my diet, along with caffeine. I've even made an effort to go to bed earlier, & I'm not even finished yet!

Not only have I been in & out of the hospital on several occasions with severe abdominal pain, I've started going to a clinic in Salt Lake, which I should have done a while back but haven't had the resources or known where to start. I've been drinking an obscene amount of lemon water every day & taking a million vitamins with this awful prenatal tea. It's horrible! 

I find it almost funny how my sisters think I'm overreacting to every single situation, but not only am I starting a new job tomorrow, but I have a meeting with a social worker about our situation next Tuesday & almost immediately after I have orientation for my GED at Stevens Henager. I'm sleeping on couch cushions piled onto the floor in my Mum's living room every night & even though it's a huge relief that Shaun got the job at Kmart, I'm still overwhelmed... & emotional. I'm not even a Mum yet & I'm already running around like I work at a day care center! 

Maybe once we have our own place & start paying off our bills, I'll be able to relax a little bit. In the meantime, I'm still waiting on my birth certificate to come in the mail so I can send off for my passport so I have some valid identification, I'm struggling to make it through the day because my system is so weak & the heat affects me so much that I'll be amazed if I can go one full day of work without having to take a long break, & now me & Shaun have to figure out transportation, because we'll be working almost an hour bus ride from my Mum's.

I just need a break. Some time to genuinely relax without all these appointments & obligations piling up & weighing me down. I don't want to put all this stress on the baby, but it's almost impossible with everything we're going through right now. At least there's the prospect of a better future now that we have some of the tools we need to build it. We might not have everything we need, but we're getting there at a fairly good pace, & luckily we have some pretty great people in our lives helping us.

Thank you Mum & Dad, for putting a roof over our heads & food in our bellies. For using up all your spare gas to drive us around to our appointments & to work. You're the best parents anyone could ask for.

Thank you Grandma, for helping us out for the time that you did. For lending us some transportation & taking care of my obnoxious dog while we were out. It meant a lot to us.

And a great big thank you to Kim, who has been there from day one, supporting us, bringing us food, buying me maternity clothes & giving us plenty of rides & resources. I wouldn't want anyone else to be our baby's Godmother. You're the most faithful friend I've ever had.