With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I just thought I should share with you all some things that I'm grateful for. Being raised in England, Thanksgiving has never been very important to me as it isn't celebrated over there. Yeah, I've always appreciated the good food & good company, but I preferred the idea of a day being celebrated out of gratitude. Sadly, that doesn't play as much of a part in the Holiday these days as it should, but I'd still like to take a minute to be grateful & to share that gratitude with you all. (Keep in mind, these aren't in order of importance - just to be clear!)
#1 My daughter, Ivy Rose Bills. Nobody has ever made this much of an incredible impact on my life or changed me in so many ways. She isn't even here yet, & she's helped me become a better, stronger, smarter, happier person. She's my reason for fighting every day, & she will be the key to my success because she is my motivation. Everything I am is thanks to my baby girl, & I wouldn't have it any other way.
#2 My family. The ones that were there from the beginning, & the ones that I've gained through Shaun & Ivy. I've never felt more love from so many people in my life, & the support & encouragement I have received these past few months has been incredible. I don't know where I'd be without them, but they are everything to me & I couldn't be more grateful for their presence in my life.
#3 My home. For the first time in over two years, I have a stable place to live where I don't have to worry about rent, deadlines, obnoxious roommates, exposure to drugs, or being kicked out. I'm not afraid for my daughter to live under this roof because I'm lucky enough to be living with somebody who cares a great deal for the both of us & would do anything to ensure our safety & security. That is more than I ever thought possible even two months ago, let alone two years.
#4 My friends. Even though over the past two years I have lost & gained many many friends, there are a few that have stuck with me through it all, both old & new. Eryka Watson has been like a sister to me & has probably remained my most genuinely faithful friend for as long as I've known her. Scott Watson, even though we aren't in contact these days he has been my friend for as long as I can remember & to this day does not judge me or criticize me for my decisions or my lifestyle & is probably one of the most decent guys out there these days. Nacho & Chantell, for keeping a roof over my head & helping me keep it together while the world was falling to pieces around me. For keeping my phone on & being patient with me as I struggle to find work to pay for it. For putting up with more than I could ever ask for from anyone, & for being good friends to somebody who unfortunately was less than deserving, but will one day look back & appreciate it for all it was worth. And last but not least, my obnoxiously loving cousin Kimmie. That girl keeps me grounded, & has been such a dedicated friend these past years, & especially this past couple months. I don't know what I would do without any of these incredible people in my life, but I've so overwhelmed with gratitude for all of them that I just can't contain it!
#5 My iPhone 4. Yes, I'm grateful for my cell phone, but it's my source of sanity & I don't know what I would do if it hadn't been invented. It has become my greatest means of communication with the outside world & will continue to serve me well while I slowly become a recluse & embark on this new journey as a single Mum. Goodbye fair world, I shall miss you!
#6 Holding Out Help. They have been without a doubt, one of the biggest sources of support & encouragement in my life & throughout the past year have shown an incredible amount of faith in me when I wouldn't have believed that I deserved it. They've played a huge part in the woman I've become & I know that they'll play a big part in my daughters life as well. We are both so so lucky for their presence in our life & I will always consider them family, no matter where life may take me. You couldn't find more honorable people if you tried.
#7 The Adventure Church food bank. They're provided me with such a large abundance of food since the beginning of the summer & have continued to do so, even though I have lacked consistency with my appointments & haven't always been able to show up when I promised to. They're incredible people, & their mission is more than honorable. I'm so so grateful for their presence in my life every other week. It is greatly appreciated, & so is the food they pile me up with to take home!
#8 My Mum. I know I already mentioned family, but my Mum has loved me through everything... no matter what I've said or done, she's just loved me even more & continued to have faith in me even when I didn't deserve it. She's supported me & encouraged me, & even though I've broken her heart countless times & put her in some awful situations that we were lucky enough to climb out of, she's still shown me more love & devotion than I could have asked for. That woman is an inspiration to me, & I can't wait for her influence in my daughters life as well. She is without a doubt, my best friend. I am more grateful for her than she will ever ever know. I love you Mum.
#9 My health. Even though I've spent a great deal of time on the streets, living in a car, a truck, a tent, on couches & on floors, standing by the freeway just to get enough money for a cheeseburger & hitchhiking from different states, I've managed to stay in surprisingly good health. My pregnancy has gone pretty smoothly & I've been lucky enough to avoid some miserable aspects of it. Ivy is more than healthy (as of yesterday the Midwife says she probably weighs in at about 6 & a half pounds!), & I'm surprisingly positive about the future. I'm grateful for every night that turns into a brand new day & for a healthy heart, healthy lungs, a healthy mind & a healthy body. I'm one lucky girl.
#10 Shaun. Even though my experiences with him were absolutely heartbreaking, & I endured the lowest levels of betrayal that I could possibly endure... I learned so much from him. I learned the reality of love. I learned what a relationship should be. What a family should be. I learned more about myself than I ever could have dreamed, & I learned what it means to suffer real loss. I not only lost somebody that I really, truly loved... but I lost my security & my peace of mind. I lost trust in people, & I lost faith in the world & in myself. But thanks to my daughter, I found the strength to walk away & to fight for it all back. I may not be waiting for him to come crawling back, promising he'll make things right because I know he won't... but I've found the strength to stand on my own two feet & move on without feeling the need to rely on somebody else to make me whole. That is more than anyone could ever hope for, but if it weren't for him I wouldn't have the presence of this beautiful baby girl in my life. He gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, & although he can't be here to share it with me, at least he can live knowing that she is one accident to be proud of.
So there it is... ten things that I am grateful for this year, & will continue to be grateful for throughout the rest of my life. I hope that you're thinking of the things in your life that you can be grateful for, & expressing that gratitude with others! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
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