My Heart Belongs to You

I'm falling apart, & I'm watching my whole world fall with me. Everything is so wrong... we should be happy together. We should be a family for our daughter, & instead we're struggling to keep it all together regardless of what we're fighting for. I'm afraid that we're just too broken to be fixed again... the only glue that has been holding us together this long is our sweet little Ivy Rose, but what if that isn't enough? What if our love for her isn't enough to keep us together... the thought alone breaks my heart. Her Daddy means the world to me & he's the only one other than her that will ever hold my heart. He's the only one I ever want to be with... to lose him because we can't sort out our problems anymore would kill me.

I know I have to keep it together for our baby. I know I need to stay strong & push past the bullshit... but it just blows up in my face no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try, somehow I'm making things worse. I love Shaun so much, & I'd give anything to make this work but it breaks my heart that when I try to do the right thing... when I try to make the smart decision... I'm only upsetting him or the other people that I care about. Where do I go from here? I want so badly to escape from it all... but I can't run away from my problems. I can't run away when I have a child to take care of. I envy her Father, because he's free to run & disappear when he pleases & I'm the one left standing in the dust.

I love him so much, & I want to believe that he wants this. I want to believe that we can be a family for Ivy. The family that she deserves... but when he's becoming more & more distant & I'm left here to wonder if we're ever going to work out or even if we're still together... what am I supposed to do? Everything he told me when he came back has been canceled out by everything he's done the past few days & it's breaking my heart. Why am I not worth the fight? Why isn't Ivy? I just need to know where to go from here... because my heart belongs to him & I can't let that go all over again.