None of His Concern

It's been a while since I've really written about anything in particular... so much has been happening, & so much has been weighing on my mind that it's been difficult to stay focused. After so much hurt & so much betrayal, it's been a struggle to keep it together. Luckily I've had so many incredible people behind me in everything I do, so I must be doing something right these days. I guess fighting to be a better person really does pay off in the end.

After everything that had happened between Shaun & I, I didn't think I would suffer anymore or that it was even possible to be betrayed yet again now that he is out of my life, but I was wrong. He stole something... something very precious to me & to my family. For days I was struggling to keep my head on straight. I didn't want to hurt anymore, & even though it was irreplaceable, I promised myself I would be happy regardless. It was too soon to Ivy's arrival to be breaking down again. Then... a miracle happened. Somehow we were lucky enough to find that the thing he has stolen from us was already back safe & sound by his own hand. Now it doesn't change the fact that it was stolen, or that he had the audacity to lie about it to me. But it's back in the hands of it's rightful owner... just like it never left, & I couldn't be more grateful.

I guess it does really hurt to know that he not only stole from me, but the people that I care about so much. He sought out something that meant more to me than money ever could, & had every intention of selling it & pocketing the money as if it had never existed in the first place. I don't know what my Mum said or did that night, but whatever it was, I truly believed it softened his heart enough to give it back to me.

Shaun may never admit that he stole it, & if he doesn't that's okay because I'll still know the truth... he may never be honest about anything to me really. But that's his loss, because there is no place in mine or Ivy's life for dishonesty. Regardless of whether he's her Father or not. That is a title that is earned. Just because his blood runs through her veins does NOT mean he has any right to call himself her Dad or pretend that he is even capable of being a decent one. I love him with all my heart, but I deserve better than what he's given me. We have some good memories, but all the lies & betrayal have almost canceled it all out... I've moved on, & one day I'll find somebody that really cares about being the person I deserve. I may not ever find somebody that I could bear to be with, but I know that somewhere there is somebody who deserves me. Shaun had his chance, & he still has the opportunity to change & live the life that will ultimately make him happy, but I'm not waiting for him. If I held my breath, I'd suffocate. Ivy doesn't need a Father, & I don't need a man to be happy. He may never understand that, but at this point it's none of his concern regardless.