Come Home

I wish I knew how to make things right again... I know where so many things went wrong, but if I only knew how to make them right again, maybe we wouldn't be going through this alone. I know that I've made mistakes. Nobody's perfect. I just wish I was capable of being everything you needed... & for a while I thought I was, but now I'm not so sure.

I have been trying. I've been trying to think about everything I did wrong & how I can start fixing things so we can be happy again... but is that going to be enough? I don't know what will happen after this weekend, but I know that if I lost you I would have lost my best friend & it would have been a result of my own God damn stupidity.



I'm driving myself crazy going over everything in my mind. I've broken down, I've cried myself to sleep, I've sent emails more than I probably should, & even though I've tried to talk to somebody about it all, it isn't solving anything. I'm scared that there isn't even a solution at this point. If that's the case I don't know what will happen to me... or to our daughter. I don't want her to grow up without her Daddy. I'm not much of a role model, & even though I'm trying to change, I could never be her protector & her hero in the same way that you could. I couldn't provide for her in all the same ways, & even though that isn't always a bad thing, she'd be missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to her.

I hope that if anything, we can work thing's out for Ivy's sake. So she can have the family that we never had, but always wanted. Maybe that's why things are happening this way... because losing the people we love is all we've ever known. I just hope that we're strong enough to fight through it. To give her everything we needed so that she can be happy... I hope that we can be happy too. We might have been through a lot lately, but you're still the only person that has ever fought for my happiness, & given me something to live for every day when I thought there was nothing left. Please don't give up on that... on us. I don't want to lose my family again. I don't want to lose my best friend, & the father of my baby girl. I'm not as strong as you...

I hope we mean enough to you. I hope that you'll continue to fight for us & that we can work through this so that our little girl can be happy, & safe, & grow up around the people we love instead of being taken away from everyone & everything that actually means something. I don't want to do that to her, but I can't stay here without you... I've completely run out of options. I have no other family to turn to & no way of providing for this innocent little baby girl. I know you don't want this for her... please. If she means what you say she does... please come home. Come home so I can try to fix things & make you happy... so we can be a family again.