Runaway

I can't help but count the days until I can get the Hell out of dodge & back to everyone & everything that had kept me same these past few years. Living out here is turning me into somebody I can't help but resent & ever since I had to move out here, my relationship with my family has been going down the drain. I can't stand it. Sometimes I think the only true family I have is Ivy & Grandma. Everyone else's love seems to be conditional, & that isn't what family is.

I don't know what will happen with all of my stuff... I'm tired of having to get rid of everything I own in order to keep a roof over my head, but at least all of Ivy's things will take up enough room for the both of us. As long as we have a good home & its far away from this Hell hole, I really won't complain. I do appreciate my Mum letting me stay, but I really wish I could have stayed with Grandma. I was actually happy there. Here... I'm fucking miserable. I've never felt at home with my family, & maybe its because we have so many drastic differences but I'm not one for families. Families will cut you deeper than anyone else possibly could, because family are the ones that are supposed to care.

I wish I could run away from all of my problems. I wish that I didn't have to worry about taking responsibility for all if my mistakes, & that I didn't care so much about people.. But the truth is, I'm a big girl now. I'm a Mother, & I will never ever walk out on my daughter or put myself before her & her needs. She's my everything, & I wouldn't dream of treating her like she was any less. I know where my properties lie, & even if it hurts... Even if it means losing the people I love, I will stand by what I know is right.