Better Than This

Lately things have gotten a lot harder... money's tighter, deadlines are coming up, gas is more expensive, & we're bumping into a lot of obstacles that I'm not sure we know how to overcome. Ivy will be here fairly soon, & with Halloween & Thanksgiving & Christmas coming up... I'm beginning to feel even more overwhelmed than before! Especially now that our financial situation is beginning to affect Shaun more & more every day. I hate seeing him stressed. He is my rock & when he lets down his guard... it hits me even harder. I don't think he even understand how hard it hits.

I wish things would start looking up. I wish we could find work & get on our feet & be okay for once in our lives... I wish we were prepared for Ivy & that we had a little more stability, but nothing seems to be going right & it's killing me knowing that our daughter might come into this world relying on us to provide for her & we might be incapable of that. It's not fair at all... she deserves better than that! And even though we're giving it 110% it still hasn't shown the slightest bit of difference. We need a miracle. Not a heavenly miracle where the sky opens & a big booming voice echoes the valley & all of a sudden everything's put right - but a simple miracle. Somebody hiring Shaun, or our debts decreasing somewhat... just SOMETHING.

I don't want to live like this anymore... I don't want Ivy to live like this, & I don't want to feel like I don't deserve her because of our situation. I just want to believe that for once, something will work out. We aren't bad people & all we want is to be okay... to be able to take care of our daughter & pay our rent. Why can't we do that? We've worked so hard... Shaun's worked harder than I've seen anybody work in a long long time, & it's killing me knowing that he hasn't recieved any recognition for it. He deserves more. He deserves a well paying job that rewards his efforts instead of ignoring them. I am so tired of being ignored!

What will it take to get us some stability? Honestly, somebody tell me because I don't understand. We've taken everything that has come our way & worked through it regardless of the difficulty. Shaun has applied & followed up on God knows how many jobs, & we still haven't gotten so much as a callback! It's disgusting that so many people do nothing & get hired on the spot while others try & try over & over again & never get what they deserve. I don't want to live like that! Shaun deserves some recognition - & not just because he's worked hard, but because he's talented & smart & confident & he knows what he wants & will do what is necessary to get there. What employer wouldn't want somebody like that working for them?

Maybe someday soon things will change... maybe somebody will hire Shaun, & even though it might not be the greatest job in the world we might just start getting on our feet. Paying off our debts, keeping a roof over our heads, & taking care of our daughter. Or maybe somehing wonderful will happen & we'll be more than okay. I don't know what the future holds, but I just hope it's better than this... for Ivy's sake.