Sometimes I hate being alone... Not because I get lonely, but because I need to be protected from what I want. Hell, half the time I don't even know what I want, but when I do... It's always something I can never have... Simply because it'll hurt me more than it could ever make me happy.
Have you ever loved something so much it hurt? Have you ever tried to forget... To push past the pain because you believed with all your heart & soul that it was worth the fight, even though you knew that you could never win? My life is one big lie, because I have to pretend that I'm okay living like this. With being alone... Being the only one that fought, even though I lost. Ivy is all I have left, & I love her with all my heart, but I'm tired of living with the memories. I just want to forget everything, so it doesn't hurt to look at her anymore. I want somebody to truly care about me... No other women... Just me. Why is that too much to ask? I guess I'm still too broken to try again, but the other day I heard this story that got me thinking:
Originally when we were designed, we were given four legs, four arms, a single head with two faces, & one soul. Zeus then divided us in half, _
& that is why we as humans feel incomplete... We are forever searching for the one who holds the other half of our soul. That is where the concept of soulmates came from.
Maybe there is somebody out there for me. Maybe I'm giving up too soon... But it isn't wrong to miss being loved, is it? I give everything for my daughter to ensure her happiness, but I'm still alone. I know I'm still young, but I kinda got a head start on life when I became a Mum. I just don't want to be like my parents & lose my soulmate halfway through my life either. I guess all I can really do is be patient, cause I'm not settling for any less than I deserve.
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