Today I'm Grateful For...

I never really imagined that I would be a single parent one day. Hell, I'm not sure I ever thought about being a parent in the first place, but life has a way of surprising you like that. I guess I had always hoped that if in fact I became a Mother someday, that there would be a Father in the picture... but that's not exactly how it happened. To be perfectly honest, it's been a challenge raising Ivy on my own so far. The late nights, the days in a row without sleep, the constant feeding & changing... the lack of social interaction, the lack of freedom. It's been really hard for me, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Ivy always made it worth it.

I can't tell you enough how much she has helped me to change for the better. Every smile & every milestone that she reaches pushes me to better myself in ways I never would have considered before now. I don't regret getting pregnant at eighteen. I don't regret who the Father was, because I wouldn't have my Ivy... I'd just have some other baby, & it wouldn't be the same. I don't regret what we had, because it gave me the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, & I wouldn't trade that for the world. Given the chance, I wouldn't do it differently. It's what made me the person I am today, & even though being a single parent is a struggle, it's the most rewarding experience anyone could possibly have.

Today, I'm grateful to be the single Mother of my beautiful Ivy Rose.

In the Wise Words of Eeyore...

Lately I've realized how little I invest my time in showing my grattitude to those who have helped me & continue to help me throughout my pregnancy, & I'm not going to lie - I feel pretty guilty. SO many people have donated things for Ivy, Kim has brought me treats just to cheer me up & works around the clock to make sure we have the things we need for our daughter, Nicole took me out for coffee & spoiled me more than she needed to, our roommates put a roof over our head & put up with my bitching sessions about Amber, Shaun's Mum & Grandma listened to me bawl my eyes out every day while Shaun was gone & treat me like I'm part of the family, & Shaun continues to put up with my sporadic emotions, my obnoxious temper, & works every day to try to provide for me & our little princess. There are so many people supporting me, & I need to do more to show my grattitude.

I want to invest in some thank you cards, or even make my own when I have the supplies... I just want to do SOMETHING. Even if it's doing the dishes when it isn't my turn, or doing an unexpected favor. It'd just be nice to put something good out there in exchange for the good I've recieved. I'm a firm believer in Karma, & you get what you give. If that means I become the most generous person in the world, so be it. I just want to know that I'm giving my all to the people that have done the same for me. Especially the people that continue to do so, & I don't even have to ask!

 I'm so so blessed to have such an incredible support system. Especially with Ivy so close to arriving! She's going to grow up with some pretty amazing people watching out for her, & I'm SO grateful for that. She's one lucky girl... her Father & I love her with all of our hearts, her Godparents are there for her in a heartbeat, & her family would sacrifice everything to keep her safe & ensure her happiness. What more could I ask for? Knowing that my baby girl is well taken care of is more than I could have hoped for when I was living in a car, & now things are finally looking up - so it's time to put some good back out there!

A Big Thank You

Today was overall, a pretty good day. I've been in some serious need of girl time for quite a while, & luckily my mentor from HOH was sweet enough to kidnap me this morning to give me just that. I think that always being around the same people has been getting to me & I just needed a little time away to relax & be myself. Not that I'm not myself at home, but I tend to focus so much on my surroundings that I become a wallflower & it does get to me after a while. Today I was gone just long enough to take a deep breath & take in a few of the things that I love so much so that when I got home, I could focus on getting things done without feeling so overwhelmed.

Even though waking up before eleven these days just about kills me, I managed to get myself out of bed in time & throw some foundation on in time to see Nicole pull up in her little Volkswagen. First stop was Target so that I could get some bra's (which I have been in desperate need of lately), & she ended up buying me a pair of REALLY comfy shoes & some maternity shirts as well! Afterwards we went over to Barnes & Noble for Starbucks, & she ended up buying me a new classic too! We had a nice chat over coffee, which was much needed... & then I got to come home with some new additions to my wardrobe & a book to dive into whenever things get stressful & I need to relax or get my mind off things.

I honestly am SO grateful for Nicole, & everything HOH has done & continues to do to help me. I don't know where I would be without them, but they have been one of the greatest support systems I have EVER had & Nicole & Kim have literally become the big sisters I always wanted growing up. They're just like one big family, but without all the judgement & disrespect that unfortunately comes along with blood relatives. They've been there for me in more ways than one, & I can't express enough how much they've improved my life, my attitude, & my respect towards others. They helped me to see that there really are good people in the world, & even though sometimes you'll find them in the most unexpected places, the trials we go through in order to find them are well worth it. Thank you Tonia, Kerri, Nicole & Kim - SO much! You have no idea how much you all mean to me!