Happy Again

This might sound really silly, but I'm so thrilled to finally be paying off my hospital bills! I set up a payment plan, & I'm taking care of it all so that when my SSN comes through, I'll have a clean slate. I can start fresh without complications from my past crippling me in the future. It's SUCH a good feeling!

Even though things have been really rough at home lately, taking some time to let loose last week was exactly what I needed to bring me back to where I need to be.  Ivy has definitely helped me through everything too. Her adorable smile & her cheeky personality have kept me going every day, even when I've struggled to get out of bed. It never ceases to amaze me how much she's grown, & continues to grow! She's munching on everything she can sink her gums into, & bottles just don't seem to be enough anymore. She's got such an appetite! She's finally getting chubby now too, & she's so content with just snuggling with me or listening to 80's rock lullaby radio on Pandora. I'm so blessed to have such an incredible little life to take care of.

I'm still waiting to hear back on our new home, but I'm really hoping it will be closer to Grandma. I know she'd love to see Ivy more often, & I miss her like crazy. She's really the only Grandma I have here, other than Grandma Heidi who is eight hours away... She's the only family member that I can confide in. She understands my decisions & she understands the hurt that has come along with them. I guess she'd know better than anyone how much it hurts to love somebody like that & let them go for what you believe is right... Even if in the end, it backfires. I  wish I hadn't been in such a painful position. Maybe then I could have at least changed the outcome of the situation in a more positive way for everyone. I guess it doesn't matter much now though. We have all moved on in our own ways, & hopefully it'll be for the best in the end.

For now, I'm just trying to focus on getting bills paid, finding a gone for me & Ivy, & spending every spare moment I have making sure she knows how much she's loved. It's hard sometimes, but every smile makes it worth it. Just holding her in my arms brings me back to Earth, & for that moment, I'm happy again.