My Biggest Vice is My Ugliest Habit

If you didn't know already (which would surprise me), I am addicted to cigarettes. I have been for the greater part of my life now... & if any of you out there have ever suffered from some kind of addiction, you KNOW how hard it is to quit. Especially after its become routine.

Smoking is my vice. I suffer from severe anxiety & smoking helps calm my nerves, as well as gives me something to pass the time if Ivy is sleeping. I've tried to quit many times, but stress & anxiety are always the key factors that cause me to start up again. I need to quit... For Ivy's sake, as well as for my health, but I don't know if I'm ready to... Maybe that's selfish, but its all I really have of my own. It's the only minute I get to myself, & what makes it worse is that I enjoy it.

If you have any advice, or know of anything that could help motivate me to quit, you can email me at sweetliltragedy@gmail.com & who knows? You could be exactly what I need!

The Cutest Damn Thing

She's growing too fast!

Busy Schedule? Nah...

Sometimes I miss being busy... I miss having somewhere to be every day of the week. It helped me to appreciate my days at home so much more. Now, I spend so much time at home that even a walk to Smiths is like an exotic getaway. Its so terribly boring! I can't wait until I'm working every day so I can bring home the bacon & appreciate the time I have with my daughter that much more.

Five Things

Its days like this that everything makes me smile, simply because I took some time to appreciate the little things.

#selfmade

Sometimes I ever why my life went I'm the direction that it did. I suppose I could blame it on fate, if I believed in that. Others might tell me that God had something to do with it, although I can't really say I believe in him either. I do believe that my mistakes play a big part, but I honestly believe that it was my failures that drove me to succeed, as well as the people I've lost that made me realize what I really want out of life. The few that supported me throughout my struggles in the past are the few that will continue to be a part of my life, & the ones that walled away when things were difficult are the ones who revoked the right to be a part of my future.

"If you were absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present for my success."

In other words, if you had the nerve to walk away, I most definitely have earned the right to turn you away. I have worked my ass off to be the person I am today, & I will continue to better myself until I am the Mother that Ivy deserves. I know its going to be hard, & I know I will continue to make many more mistakes in the future, but those mistakes will be lessons, not failures. You can judge me, but in the end the qualities you so despise in me are only a reflection of the things you despise in yourself. I could have run away when my life started to fall apart, but I'm proud to say that I'm stronger than that. I'm picking up the pieces, & nothing anyone could say will hold me back or bring me down. I'm going to be somebody my daughter can be proud of, & she will learn by example that you never give up, no matter what the odds are.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

You can drive me up the wall sometimes, but you have proven to be the most loyal & loving person in my life thus far, & even when you felt hurt & betrayed, you still waited for me. I couldn't ask for a more incredible boyfriend. I love you baby. Truly, madly, deeply.